The Best You Never Had
by midnight-cat
Summary: My what-if scenario for Vol. 7 of the manga. Shuichi overhears a conversation when Yuki's in the hospital. He decides to take matters into his own hands. But will Yuki just let him walk away? YxS SxOC
1. Stay With Me

Author's note:

_Well, I finally decided to try my hand at writing a Gravitation fanfic. We'll see how it goes once I get it started. This takes place in Volume 7 of the manga, so some of the dialogue below was taken from the manga. I've always wanted to try my hand at a what-if scenario with that whole storyline, so here it is. I was also inspired by two fanfics that are still WIP. I can't wait to see how they write their versions of this great storyline!_

_This story hasn't been beta'ed. If anyone wants to offer to beta this story or any others that I'm working on, then please e-mail me._

**Disclaimer:**

_I don't own Gravitation. That's the property of Maki Murakami. This fanfic was written solely for entertainment purposes and no monetary gain is being made._

_**Warnings:**__ Shounen-ai, angst. If shounen-ai isn't your cup of tea, then please click the back button. All reviews are welcome. Even flames are acceptable, only if written as constructive criticism._

**Key:**

Italics _thoughts_

_Raindrops fall from everywhere,_

_I reach out for you, but you're not there._

_So I stood waiting in the dark, _

_with your picture in my hands._

_Story of a broken heart…_

Shuichi's heart pounded in fear as he sprinted down the long hallways, narrowly avoiding running into people. Fear clawed at his lungs, temporarily stealing the breath from him. His mind berated him, shouting that he had seen the warning signs, but did nothing to avoid them. One minute he'd been ecstatic, elation filling him as Bad Luck sold a million CDs, then his world came crashing down at K's words. If giving everything up meant that Yuki would be okay, then he'd willingly do whatever it took. He stopped outside of the door, willing his heart to slow down to normal. He couldn't go in there acting as his usual genki self. Before he could open the door, the sound of voices reached his ears. _That sounds like Seguchi-san and Mika-san! This isn't going to go so well._ He knew that they didn't approve of his relationship with Yuki. And he suspected that the recent events would only strengthen their objections.

"I hate to say it, but Tohma's right. You shouldn't be with Shindou-kun anymore. You need to get away. You can still write if you're in New York, right?"

"I suppose you're right. Yeah, you're right. New York makes sense. If I move far enough away, he won't be able to follow me. If I can get away from the source of my stress, it'll probably go a long way towards alleviating it."

"We've been worried about you for quite a while, Eiri. I don't want it to sound like we're specifically targeting your relationship with Shindou-kun. You need to take your condition into account. Some time off will do you good, take your mind off things."

"You're probably right. I'd love to never have to look in a mirror and wonder who I am again, or see blood spilling out of my mouth. Maybe my first reaction was the most honest. Maybe I should break up with him for good."

_Stay with me,_

_don't let me go. _

'_Cause I can't be without you._

_Just stay with me_

_and hold me close._

_Because I've built my world around you_

_and I don't wanna know what's it like without you._

_So stay with me…_

_just stay with me._

He swayed slightly, shock hitting him as he heard the next words to come out of the room. Each word hammered nails deeper into his heart, further solidifying his belief that all of this was his fault. His hand dropped limply to his side, tears sliding silently down his face. There were now a lot of things he had to think over before any decisions were made. He looked back at the door longingly, but he knew his presence wasn't wanted or needed right now. And that fact hurt more than anything right now.

_I'm trying and hoping for the day_

_when my touch is enough_

_to take the pain away._

'_Cause I've searched for so long._

_The answer is clear._

_We'll be ok if we don't let it disappear._

He walked slowly this time, hand wiping away the traces of his tears. He didn't want Hiro or K to know that he'd been crying. Walking to the waiting area, he looked up to see both Hiro and K approaching him. "Yuki…he's alive." He said, heading to the door. "Let's go."

"We knew that, Shuichi." Hiro replied. "But aren't you going to stay with Yuki-san?"

Shuichi stopped in his tracks. It was an innocent question, but it set Shuichi off, reminding him of what he'd overheard. "It's my fault he's sick, Hiro. I should have known better!" Those damned tears started welling up in his violet eyes again and he furiously fought them back. "Do whatever you want, Hiro, but I'm leaving!" He ran past them before they could move to stop him. The door slammed shut behind him.

"Something's not right here." Hiro muttered. "Shuichi would never leave Yuki-san's side for anything. I wonder what happened back there."

K sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I have my own suspicions of who caused his sudden flight out of here. And if I'm correct, things will soon get very ugly around here."

Hiro's face hardened as he caught K's train of thought. "You're referring to Seguchi-san, aren't you?" At K's nod, he swore softly. "That would account for Shuichi's suddenly odd behavior. And of course Shuichi would be his scapegoat. Damn it!"

"Don't worry, Hiro-kun, we'll run interference as best as we can. Right now our main priority should be Shuichi."

Hiro nodded, his restless thoughts centering on his friend. _Please don't do anything rash, Shuichi, until we can get things settled._

_Stay with me,_

_don't let me go._

'_Cause I can't be without you._

_Just stay with me_

_and hold me close._

_Because I've built my world around you_

_and I don't wanna know what's it like without you._

_So stay with me,_

_just stay with me._

Shuichi ran until his burning lungs couldn't take any more abuse. His frantic pace slowed to a walk, his feet walking by memory, as he neared the entrance to the park. How ironic that he should show up here, where everything began. He stood there silently, letting the feel of the wind blow against his skin. Against his will, the entire conversation he'd just heard kept repeating through his head, his heart twisting when he remembered Yuki's words. _'If I move far enough away, he won't be able to follow me. If I can get away from the source of my stress, it'll probably go a long way towards alleviating it. Maybe my first reaction was the most honest. Maybe I should break up with him for good.'_ The words so reminded him of the whole affair with Aizawa, of what had happened before and after. Was he that impossible to live with? Is that all he was, just a stressing annoyance that could be discarded like a disposable tissue?

_I've searched my heart over_

_so many, many times._

_No you and I, is like no stars to light the sky at night._

_Our picture hangs out of tune._

_Remind me of the days,_

_you promised me we'd always_

_and never go away._

_That's why I need you to stay._

He hadn't realized that he'd started crying again until he felt the wind blow coldly on his tear-streaked face. _And all I can do is fucking keep crying! Why is it that whenever something like this happens, that's all I can do? Hell, I do it even when I'm not depressed over something!_ He wiped his hand disgustedly over his eyes. In that moment of contemplation he made his decision. He'd always been rash, even he couldn't deny this, but for right now it seemed the best option to him. Leave…he could always just pack up and leave. Wouldn't everyone be happier without their annoyance in their daily lives? He thought so. But before he left, there were some bridges he'd have to burn first. And then he'd walk away, leaving the flames burning merrily behind him.

_Stay with me,_

_don't let me go._

'_Cause I can't be without you._

_Just stay with me_

_and hold me close._

_Because I've built my world around you_

_and I don't wanna know what's it like without you._

_So stay with me,_

_just stay with me._

_oooo.. oh oh_

_Don't leave…_

_So I stay waiting in the dark..._

Well, minna, here's the first chapter! I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. As always, reviews are welcome! Let me know what you think! Any opinions on how you think the next chapter should go? I'm thinking of making an OC character as a rival for Shuichi's affections. Yes? No? Let me know what you think! The lyrics to the song "Stay With Me" are by Danity Kane.


	2. Already Gone

Violet eyes opened blearily, wondering why it was so bright just then

_Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! I didn't expect to see so many reviews so quickly! I appreciate everyone's kind words; it means a lot to see how everyone likes the story. I'm now in the process of making an OC character as a rival. Mwah ha ha! Things are going to get very interesting in the future!_

_Again, all reviews are welcome! Beta readers are always appreciated!_

_**Response to reviewer's questions:**_

_DemonLadySesshomaru - I totally agree with what you said in your review. I also love the ShuichixYuki pairing, and I'm always reluctant when a new OC enters into the picture. That was my plan so far, to use the OC to show Yuki what in essence that he was missing when Shu left. I couldn't break up a fave couple of mine (it'd be like me breaking up the SasuxNaru pairing from Naruto!). So rest assured, I intend to have a happy ending, although it's going to be angsty for a couple of chapters. So hang in there and please let me know what you think of the upcoming chapters! And, again, thanks for your review!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Again, I don't own Gravitation, no matter how much I wish. Gravitation is the property of Maki Murakami._

_I will not leave a letter, nothing at all.  
I'm sure you won't notice that I'm even gone.  
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long,  
I will be strong._

Violet eyes blinked opened blearily, briefly wondering why it was so dark in the room just then. He recognized that he was lying on the couch in the apartment he shared with Yuki. At the thought of his name, Shuichi straightened up on the couch, swinging his legs over the edge. What scared him was that he had no memory of even walking home from the park. He supposed that he had just walked home on autopilot. He flicked on the lamp beside the couch, wincing as the room was lit with brightness. Looking down at the watch on his wrist, he saw that it was still early in the morning. Good, maybe then he wouldn't have a horde of people descending on him just yet.

His phone lay silent, indicating no messages – another good sign. But his good fortune wouldn't last long. It wouldn't be long before someone tried to contact him. And right now, that wasn't something he wanted. Doubt began to permeate his mind as he thought about what he planned to do. Was this really what he wanted, to just walk away from everything? It probably wasn't the best solution, but right now all he wanted was a little time away. Kami-sama knew that he needed the break with everything that had happened recently, and he was determined to take it no matter what anyone thought. Part of him didn't want to give up on his relationship with Yuki, while the other snorted at the word "relationship". _'Isn't a relationship a two-way street?'_ His inner voice chided snidely. _'Have you seen him work at trying to keep it going? No, __**you've**__ been the one doing everything, always chasing after him! It's time for him to take some initiative if he wants you in his life! _Shuichi sighed, knowing that his inner voice was right. He'd been thinking the same thing for a long time now.

_I will not leave a letter, nothing at all.  
I'm sure you won't notice that I'm even gone.  
Why did I stay here, stay for so long  
when we're so far gone.  
I feel so stupid taking this fall.  
I should have seen it known all along.  
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long,  
I will be strong._

He got up off of the couch as he made his way to the bathroom, shedding his clothes as he went. There was one last stop that he needed to make before he left, and he intended to make a clean break. A few minutes later, he stepped out of the shower feeling marginally better than he had earlier. A change of clothes and he was ready. First, however, he needed to pack up his stuff. It was sad, really, when he had everything packed only to see that his entire life fit into a few suitcases. He found it ironic that he had purchased a new laptop within the last month. Perhaps his intuition had been trying to tell him even then. With everything packed, he could finally see the role that he'd been reduced to. The only space in the apartment that he could truly call his was the living room. He started laughing, a bitter sound in the empty stillness of the room. Damn, had it really taken him this long to see it? Here he was, the punch line to a joke that had gone stale, and he only now realized it. There was his proof of why he needed to leave, what he'd been told all along. The joke was now over and he wasn't laughing – it felt more like a practical joke gone awry.

_What could you possibly want from me?  
Can't you see I'm already gone?  
Everything we thought we'd be,  
I still don't feel sorry for this loss._

Walking over to the coffee table, he rifled through the phone book looking for the number to call a cab. Once that was done, he picked up his bags and walked out of the apartment, locking the door behind him. He touched the key that he still held in his hand, remembering every moment in that small span of time. Gripping it tightly, he pulled open the mailbox and placed it inside. Once the lid closed, he walked away, never looking back. A few stops later, which included the bank so he could withdraw the money from his account, he stood in front of the hospital where this had started. The cab driver waited as his customer finished his last errand. He was being paid well, so he couldn't complain.

_I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts.  
Forgetting comes easy,  
I never cared at all.  
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain,  
there's just too much pain.  
Falling to pieces get swept away,  
left all our pictures, some to fade.  
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long,  
I will be strong._

Shuichi walked once more down the corridors until he stood in front of Yuki's room. It was late so he knew that visiting hours were over, which meant he wouldn't be caught as easily. The door silently slid open and he walked into the darkened room, his eyes zeroing in on the man lying in the bed near the window. He walked over to the bed, his shoes making no sound on the tiled floor. A sigh of relief escaped his lips when he realized that Yuki was asleep. This would be easier if he was asleep than awake. If he looked into his golden eyes, his precarious control would snap, making him fall back into his predictable behavior. He shook his head at that thought. No, he couldn't have that.

Standing there silently, he watched as the moonlight traced patterns across Yuki's sleeping face. His pajama top was undone exposing pale skin that shone in the moonlight's glow. The monitor beeped quietly, keeping track of his condition. The arm that was placed behind his head was connected to an IV. Shuichi's hand reflexively went to brush the golden strands of hair off of Yuki's forehead before he caught himself and lowered it once again to his side. "Yuki…" He whispered softly. "I don't want you to go to New York, Yuki. But I don't want you to suffer because of me either. That's why this time I'm leaving instead. I don't want to, but I think it's something that I have to do. Our time apart will help us figure out what we want from this relationship." He stopped then, not knowing what else to say. Bending down, he placed a soft kiss on Yuki's forehead, drinking in every feature and committing it to memory. "Sayonara, Yuki." With those softly spoken words, he slipped back out the door, letting it slide shut behind him. And just like that, he was gone from Yuki Eiri's life. Instead of leaving with a bang as he had when he entered Yuki's life, he left with a whimper. This chapter in his life was now done; now he just waited for the next one to be written.

_What could you possibly want from me?  
Can't you see I'm already gone?  
Everything we thought we'd be,  
I still don't feel sorry for this loss. _

He got back into the cab and told the driver to head for the airport. Leaning back, he finally let the traitorous tears slide down his face. For all the psyching he'd given himself, he found it hard to just leave Yuki lying there like that. _But it's for the best, ne? If I'd stayed here…_ He let the thought trail off, not wanting to think about that just yet. All too soon the cab pulled up to the airport's entrance. Shuichi waited as the cab driver retrieved his luggage and then paid him, thanking him for his services. He'd not been recognized yet, learning through past experience how to best disguise himself from crazy fans and paparazzi alike.__

You don't have to say anything at all.  
I won't stop you from walking away.  
I'll do nothing at all.

_Sitting here I've wasted the day while the memories fade away. _

_You know I expected so much more from you._

For all his planning, he didn't really have a destination in mind. At that point, his mind was too ensnared to even think of a place he'd like to escape to. But now that he thought about it, he'd need a place where they wouldn't automatically start looking. Somewhere obscure…somewhere not haunted by a ghost from his past. And that's when it hit him – Florida, a popular tourist attraction in the States. He knew they'd probably expect him to head either to New York or California…maybe even overseas to Europe. Shuichi knew that he had to be one step ahead of his bosses – yet another thing he learned in his time in the music business.

_Florida here I come!_

**TBC**

Well, here's Chapter 2! I got so excited at seeing all of the people who liked my story, that I wrote this in a day. And that's something coming from me! Next up, I think I'll have everyone's reactions to finding Shu-chan gone. Will it be a Kleenex moment? Who knows! Until next time faithful readers! The lyrics above are from the song "Already Gone" by Crossfade.


	3. I Guess I Loved You

_Gomen for taking so long to update the next chapter! I'm working on a few projects that I have to get done for school, since the semester's almost over. Again, thanks for the reviews! It makes me happy that you're enjoying my story!_

_**Disclaimer:**__  
I still don't own Gravitation. If I did there would have been A LOT more episodes!_

_**Note:**__  
This story is one of my own creation. Yes, I was INSPIRED by two stories, but only because they were the few that I'd seen written about that particular storyline. My story is totally different from theirs, not to mention that they are still in progress with their stories. That is all. Thank you._

_**Reviewer's response corner:  
**xXVatesXx: First of all, let me thank you for taking the time to review my story. It meant a lot to me. The one thing I've been striving for in this story, and others that I'm writing, is to be original in plot. Like you I've read quite a few Gravitation fanfics that left me feeling disappointed. And I hope that this is not the case with you and my story! I'm not sure if I made this clear in chapter 2, but I'm not having Shuichi be gone for a number of years. Quite the opposite – in fact, like I said it will just be a vacation to get away from everything that's happened. Kind of like a mental holiday, if you will. I'm also hoping that I'm keeping the characters in check and not having them be horribly OOC. That makes me cringe when I read stories like that. The OC that I have planned is kind of a catalyst for Shuichi and Yuki's relationship. I guess he, in a way, helps them get their relationship to the level that they both want it to be. For every story that I write, they all go through a stringent plot revision. I'll have outlines upon outlines, until I'm being buried in an avalanche of paper. laughs That's why I like it when people review; it helps me to see if I'm going in the right direction or not with my stories. _

_Whew! Okay, that was kind of long, but if it clears up things with the readers, then I don't mind. As always, reviews are welcome! Please let me know what you think of the story and/or stories that I'm working on._

* * *

_**"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." - Anonymous**_

Yuki finished packing the small overnight bag that Mika had brought with her when she visited. A nagging thought had plagued him the entire time. In the time that he'd been admitted, he hadn't seen a trace of Shuichi. At the very least he had expected him to come busting through his door the day he went into the hospital. Not that he'd admit it to anyone, but this un-Shuichi like behavior had him worried. Not to mention the strange dream he'd had this morning. He would have sworn that he felt someone standing next to his bedside. _Shuichi, is that you?_ His mind had questioned.

His eyes had slit open a little, confirming by the moonlight streaming in the window that it was Shuichi. His face was somber, an emotion that he didn't equate with the singer. Then the words he spoke to him…Shuichi would never say anything like that! _'Yuki…' _The words had been whispered softly, so quietly in the room that he had to struggle to hear them._ I don't want you to go to New York, Yuki. But I don't want you to suffer because of me either. That's why this time I'm leaving instead. I don't want to, but I think it's something that I have to do. Our time apart will help us figure out what we want from this relationship. Sayonara, Yuki.' _The flow of words stopped and he then felt a feather-soft kiss placed on his forehead. Those very words made a shudder of uneasiness ripple down his spine. Something was wrong – he knew it as soon as he awoke this morning.

A knock on the door signaled that he was not alone before Mika walked in. "Are you ready to go, Eiri?"

A nod was her only answer. He reached over and picked his bag off of the bed. More than ever he was ready to leave the hospital. Hospitals were something he just couldn't tolerate. All he wanted to do was go home to his pink-haired baka. A small smile crossed his face at that thought. His baka…yes, he liked the sound of that. A moment later he was seated in Mika's car, silently praying that her driving had improved. On top of everything that had happened, he didn't feel like being slung into the side of the car door. The silence between them was beginning to wear on his nerves, since he knew that Mika was preparing for an argument about something. It was always a surprise to him what the topic would be, but somehow it all would soon center on his relationship with Shuichi. And that was something that he felt was none of his sister's or Tohma's business. "While I appreciate the silence, is there something you wanted to say, Mika?"

"Are you still leaving for New York, Eiri? Or have you decided to stay?" Mika could see that while his relationship with Shindou-kun had helped in some ways, there was also the damage that it had inflicted on him. And while she wanted him to be happy, she didn't want to see him suffer, either.

"I've made up my mind to stay. And no matter what both you and Seguchi suggest, I'm not ending my relationship with Shuichi. Quite frankly, I don't think it's either of your business about my personal life." With that said he closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the headrest of his seat. Maybe that would get her off of his back for a few minutes.

"I see." Mika replied, her attention flickering between Yuki and the road. "If that's what you want, Eiri, then I'll be supportive of your decision." Nothing else was said after that, but the tension eased slightly between the two of them.

Yuki waved absently as his sister drove off. Passing his bag to his other hand, he opened his mailbox to collect what mail was there. Reaching into the mailbox, he grabbed the stack of envelopes, his eye noticing something glinting in the morning sunlight. Reaching back in he pulled out a key attached to a keychain...a very familiar keychain. The sterling silver quarter note charm winked merrily in the morning sunlight, its rays highlighting the inscription that had both his and Shuichi's names. His heart hammering, he raced to the front door, cursing as he juggled his bag and the mail while trying to get the keys out of his pocket. Finally the door was open and he was inside of his apartment. Throwing his bag to the floor, the mail tossed with it, he all but ran to the living area. Wrong…it was all wrong! The spotless living area taunted him. No CDs placed precariously in a pile alongside the wall. No game console in front of the television. No trace of Shuichi remained in this room, when just a few days before everything had been here.

_Now…  
tomorrow is all there is.  
No need to look behind the door,  
you won't be standing there no more.  
I had my chance  
to dance another dance.  
I didn't even realize  
that this was all love and no lies.  
Then I lost you…_

He slumped down onto the sofa, the keychain dangling limply from his hand. The shock still hadn't completely sunk in yet. Now he understood why Shuichi had never shown up at the hospital. His eyes widened suddenly as a thought went through his mind. What if his dream really wasn't a dream? It suddenly explained the sense of uneasiness that he'd woken up with this morning. Shuichi had visited him this morning, only to tell him that he was leaving. Why? Everything was fine before he left to go to the hospital…Shuichi had still been here. What would have caused him to leave like this? The boy who had chased him down all the way to Kyoto…who had forced his way into his life – this sudden behavior wasn't something that he could pin down.

_I guess I loved you  
less, less than I should.  
Now all there is  
it's me and me.  
I turn around and all I see  
the past where I have left our destiny._

Sighing, he knew there was only one person to call. He didn't want to, but at this point he was desperate for answers. He wanted to know where Shuichi was so he could bring him back where he belonged. And if he had to swallow some pride to do it then he would, no matter how painful it was. Still holding Shuichi's keychain in a death grip, he reached into his pants pocket to pull out his cell phone. He glared at the phone for a few minutes, before relenting and calling the dreaded number.

"Hello, Seguchi Tohma speaking."

"Did you say something to Shuichi, Tohma?" He knew better than to beat around the bush. Get the questions he wanted answered out of the way first…it was the only way to deal with Tohma.

"Shindou-san? What makes you think that I've spoken to him, Eiri-san?"

"I know you had something to do with it! He never showed up at the hospital and now his stuff is gone from the apartment! Don't lie to me, damn it! I want some answers now!"

"Calm down, Eiri-san. Remember your ulcer or do you want to wind up back in the hospital?" Tohma sighed before continuing, "I'm not lying, Eiri-san. I really don't know what's happened to Shindou-san. Both Sakano-san and Shindou-san's band mates are in an uproar over what's happened with him. As far as I know, he left Japan overnight, but we've not found a trace of his whereabouts. The only concrete evidence that I have is that he's withdrawn all his money from his banking account."

Yuki just sat there in silence, trying to process the information Tohma had spoken to him. If Shuichi had withdrawn his entire account, the chances were good that he meant to be leaving and not coming back. But it still made no sense, nothing was adding up.

"There was one more thing, Eiri-san." Tohma debated even telling Eiri about this. Eiri would view it as his fault somehow. _Shindou-san, did you even realize that your decision to leave would affect him more than your entire media circus of a relationship ever did? _He supposed that Shuichi blamed himself for what had happened to Eiri, and then to hear it reaffirmed had cemented his decision to leave. When he had heard from Sakano-san that morning that Shuichi had left Japan indefinitely, he hadn't known what to think at first. Part of him had felt relief at Eiri having some of the pressure eased, but part of him had felt a niggling sense of guilt, certain that Shuichi had overheard their conversation the day before. He had come to the realization in the past few days that he could not always protect Eiri, and in fact, probably had never had to do so. That was when he decided to ease up on Eiri's relationship with Shuichi. And now this had to happen.

"Well, Tohma, are you going to spill it or not?" Yuki snarled, his patience having swiftly vanished.

"Both K-san and Nakano-san informed me that Shindou-san had gone to the hospital the day you were admitted. According to them, he had gone to see you but came back a few minutes later, saying only that you were alive and that he wanted to leave. Nakano-san asked why he didn't want to stay with you and said that Shindou-san became somewhat emotional, shouted at them, and then left. They both say that was the last time they heard from him."

_Now…  
tomorrow is a mystery.  
I cannot live without a dream,  
vanishing from reality.  
I wanna know…  
would you come back to me?  
Now that I finally realized  
you are my home.  
You are my life.  
I need you…_

"I…I see." Yuki finally replied. His finger was on the disconnect button when Tohma's voice stopped him.

"Do you want me to find him, Eiri-san?"

Yuki swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. Wasn't Shuichi better off without him? Everything that he had put up with…by all rights he should have left a long time ago. But he had stayed with Yuki at his worst, telling him that he loved him, while Yuki never said those simple three words to Shuichi. Was that what caused him to leave? Had he finally had enough? His hand tightened its grip on the phone. No…Yuki wasn't just going to sit idly by and let Shuichi walk out of his life like that. It was time to show him how much he meant to the writer and for that he would need Tohma's help in finding him.

"Eiri-san?"

"Yes, Tohma, I want you to find him. It's about time I started showing him how I really feel. He deserves that and more."

"As you wish, Eiri-san. I'll get right on it, then." _I'll locate him, Eiri-san, but after that it's all up to you._

_I feel you all around me,  
though you're no more in this space.  
You're nowhere to be found,  
there's not a breath of you in here._

Yuki let the phone slip from his grasp, absently listening as it hit the floor with a dull thud. Now he understood Shuichi's words that night. He had heard the entire conversation. Yuki groaned as he recalled the words he had spoken to Mika that night. If Shuichi had been emotional when he arrived, after he heard those words he must have been inconsolable. His eyes lingered around the room, hoping that Shuichi had left something of his behind, but only the barren floor greeted him.

He rose from the couch and walked into their bedroom. He snorted softly, as the words "their bedroom" wandered through his mind. Could he even really consider it to be theirs, when after they had sex he would send Shuichi back to the couch to sleep? Was this what their relationship consisted of – him using Shuichi and then tossing him away until the next time he wanted him? It was no wonder that Shuichi got tired of it and left. Silently, he commended him for his decision, despite the gnawing pain it left in his heart. Lying down on the bed, he closed his eyes, fighting the tired feeling that threatened to overtake him.

_Leaving us behind,  
I just can't do it all the way.  
And nothing can describe  
the feeling of dancing with this pain._

_I toss and turn and then  
I roll on your side of the bed.  
I touch your absent face.  
No tear will ever bring you back._

He rolled over onto his side, burying his face into Shuichi's pillow. It still contained traces of the singer's unique scent, the smell of his shampoo. If Yuki thought about it honestly, he did love Shuichi. Although he never said it or overtly showed it in any way, he did love him. But Shuichi didn't know that…right now he probably thought he was just a burden to the writer. And that thought hurt worse than his abandonment. His eyes drifted shut, as weariness finally claimed him, unaware of the tears that slid down his face. In his dreams Shuichi was still there, right beside him, wearing a bright smile while his violet eyes sparkled with joy.

_I'm broken inside  
and I wish I could go where you went.  
I'll fall asleep until I see you  
at the other end..  
How can I stand alive with only half a life?  
How can I love so hard with only half a heart?  
Where do I go from here?  
How do I breathe in here?  
I guess it must be true.  
I am intoxicated by  
you..._

* * *

Well, minna, here's Chapter 3! This story gave me fits trying to write it. I tried to keep Yuki in character, but then I kept getting blocked on what I wanted to write. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and as always, reviews are welcome!

Next chapter: Shu-chan's bandmates reaction to his departure!

Songs used in this chapter are in order: "I Guess I Loved You" and "Intoxicated" by Lara Fabian.

If you want to see what the keychain in this chapter looks like, go here: /gift-ideas/pid-109529/


	4. AN

A/N:

A/N:

Hello, minna! Just a little update on the progress of my stories. I've not forgotten my Gravitation or YYH stories, it's just that I've had a lot of work to do for my classes. I've got the following due by next week: technical manual for advanced Linux, group presentation for my security capstone project class, a college algebra test, my algebra binder is due, and econ homework. Not to mention all of the finals the week after that.

Also, since I'm starting ECU in the fall, I've had to get financial aid straightened out, admissions crap, etc. And I get the lovely honor of taking Trigonometry via a correspondence course starting this summer. twitch Last week was spring break, but it sure didn't feel like it with the quicksand of work I've been in.

Anyway, my faithful readers, please be patient with me. I do not intend to neglect my stories just because I've been busy. In what little down time I've had, I have been working on Chapter 4 of my Gravitation story. My YYH story and plotline is undergoing a revision, so please don't worry about that one!

Thanks for your support and I'll see you when I update!

Ja ne!


	5. At Your Side

_School's finally over for the semester and I don't have to really worry about classes until the fall semester starts! Thankfully, everything will be online, so it's not as bad. To thank everyone for their patience, I present to you __**TWO**__ chapters of TBYNH! I almost had Chapter 6 done last night; I had a nice groove going on, it was writing itself practically, and then it had to start storming. grumble But I have a lot more free time now, so updates will be less sporadic._

_Wow, it's nice to see that so many people like this story. Thanks to everyone who has put this story on their faves and story alerts list! It makes me warm and fuzzy to see that my story is being appreciated! I originally had this idea when I read Gravitation manga vol. 7 for the first time. I was like what if this happened… It got put on the back burner for awhile, with school and the other stories that I wanted to write taking precedence._

_With so many stories that I'm planning, it's getting kind of crowded in my head. This makes for some terrible headaches when you have characters and plots banging around inside your head. I was planning on working on my new Naruto story first, but I think that Shu-chan bought off Naruto with some ramen, so his story's getting done first! LOL! Again, all reviews are welcome! Beta readers are always appreciated!_

_For fans of my YYH story, don't fear…I haven't abandoned it! I've been rethinking the plot and want to rewrite what I've got so far, so it's getting an overhaul. On a side note, I do have two more Gravitation stories in the planning stages. One will be kind of AU and the other is based around Vols. 8-9 of the manga. Dang plot bunnies…they're running rampant I tell you!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Again, I don't own Gravitation, no matter how much I wish. Gravitation is the property of Maki Murakami._

* * *

_**"We all lose friends...we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on."  
– Amy Marie Walz**_

Hiro parked his bike in front of NG Studios, unaware of the chaos that awaited him when he walked in the door. He was still thinking about Shu's behavior from the night before. K was right – something had to have happened for him to just leave Yuki like that when he was in the hospital. Their relationship was just getting too weird for his comfort level. Everything with them was set at the extreme level – nothing was low-key. Walking into the studio, he was instantly greeted by the sight of a panicky Sakano, depressed Fujisaki and pistol-waving K. He would have thought it was nothing out of the ordinary, but Shu wasn't there. Glancing up at the clock, he saw that it was time for him to show up. Before he could relax, his reverie was broken by K.

"If you're looking for Shuichi, Hiro-kun, then you'll have a long wait ahead. He's gone."

Hiro's jaw dropped upon hearing K's little bombshell. "What the hell do you mean by 'gone'?" He questioned.

"I mean exactly what I said." K calmly replied. "Shuichi left Japan sometime last night. His behavior set off warning bells, so I acted on a hunch and contacted his bank this morning. Apparently, he has withdrawn all of the money from his account. Naturally, after hearing that, I started contacting all of the airports, but no one has seen anyone matching his description. I've even checked the bus stations, train stations, everything – still no luck. Shuichi has made it very clear that he doesn't want to be found."

Hiro couldn't believe it. "What the hell happened last night to just make him leave like that – this isn't normal for Shu! Sure he can be flighty and impulsive, but not to this extent!"

"You want my opinion?" Fujisaki piped up. "My bet is that Shindou-san overheard something that he shouldn't have. You know as well as I do that both Yuki-san's sister and brother-in-law were probably with him last night. And what are the odds their conversation was directed towards Shindou-san?"

"The kid's got a point." K replied. "We all know how those two get when it concerns Yuki-san…and this time Shuichi was caught in the crossfire."

"So there's been no word from him?" Hiro asked.

"Nothing, there wasn't even a phone call." Sakano replied. "Unsurprisingly, when I talked to Shacho this morning, he told us that Bad Luck would be on temporary hiatus until Shindou-kun came back. So consider this to be an extended vacation."

Hiro sat on the couch, still trying to comprehend what K had told him. He felt some anger and hurt that Shu had just up and left instead of coming to talk to him. Every time he had a problem with Yuki or just a problem in general, he always came to Hiro. It sort of became their little tradition. And now he had no clue as to where Shu had disappeared to. He sighed heavily and muttered, "I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today."

A hand suddenly clasped his shoulder. He looked up to see Fujisaki smiling at him. "Don't worry, Nakano-san, Shindou-san will come back. He just needs some time to get things sorted out. Bad Luck is as much his creation as yours – he would never leave you or the group behind."

* * *

Hiro let himself into his house, tossing his helmet onto the couch. Only 24 hours ago, they'd been on the top of the world with their having sold a million CDs. Not only was he back with Bad Luck, but he now had a date with Ayaka to look forward to. While that made him happy, he also felt guilty, knowing that Shu would never have his date with Yuki. He smiled, remembering how hard Shu had worked just to get that one date. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like if Shu had never met Yuki. Would things be normal? God knows then Shu wouldn't have to worry about people trying to dictate his relationship…blaming him for every little thing that happened to the person he was dating. But on the other side of the coin, he knew Shu had become happier after he met Yuki, as though he had found the other half of his soul.

_When the daylight's gone and you're on your own  
and you need a friend just to be around.  
I will comfort you, I will take your hand  
and I'll pull you through, I will understand._

He walked over and picked up the phone. Since they now had time off, there was something that he wanted to do. He dialed the familiar number, waiting for her to pick up the phone. After a few minutes, he heard her answer. "Ayaka-chan, it's me, Hiro."

* * *

Fujisaki absentmindedly ran his fingers along the keys of his keyboard. He was at a loss as to what to do, since they really had nothing pressing to do at the moment. Add to that an indefinite hiatus, and he was bored out of his skull.

_And you know that  
I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry.  
Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry.  
I'll be at your side.  
If you feel like you're alone, and you've nowhere to turn,  
I'll be at your side._

He felt bad for Shindou-san. The guy had to be riding on a rollercoaster of emotions right now. First, Hiro had left the band, then they have the press conference announcing his departure from the group only to have Hiro end up coming back. To top it off, Sakuma-san had shown up, surprising them with the announcement that they had sold a million CDs. And then they get the news from K-san that Yuki-san had ended up in the hospital. And Fujisaki knew that somehow his cousin and his wife had something, however unintentional, to do with Shindou-san's departure.

* * *

Hiro hung up the phone, elated that his date with Ayaka would finally come true. He wanted nothing more than to tell Shu about this, but he wasn't there. Walking over to his desk, he booted up his computer, the sudden urge to check his email hitting him. When he logged on and saw the message waiting for him, he almost fell off of his chair. There sitting in his inbox was a message from Shu. Maybe now Hiro could finally discover why his best friend had just raced off like that.

His hand slightly shaking, he clicked on the message, fidgeting impatiently as he waited for it to load up. The message itself wasn't very long, but he expected that from Shu.

_Hiro,_

_By the time you probably read this, I'll be long gone from Japan. I didn't tell anyone that I was leaving because I just want some time to get my thoughts sorted out. And before you start, __**yes**__ I've been doing a lot of thinking. That seems to be all I've been doing since I left the hospital last night. Last night I overheard some things…hurtful as they were, they made me stop and really look at what's been happening lately. And knowing you, I know that you're probably mad at me for not telling you about it, but damn it, Hiro, I want to stand on my own for once! I'm tired of always going to you to help me solve things that I should on my own._

_Right now, I don't know where things stand with me and Yuki, but I will be back. It might take a few weeks or a month, but I will be back. Trust me, Hiro, that's all I'm asking._

_Shu_

_If life's standing still and your soul's confused  
and you cannot find what road to choose.  
If you make mistakes (make mistakes),  
you can't let me down (let me down).  
I will still believe (still believe).  
I will turn around._

Hiro read the message again, making sure that he understood what Shu was saying. _Damn, Shu, was that what you thought you were, just a burden to everyone? Yes, I was hurt that you didn't come to me, but I've never viewed you as being a burden! _His hands tightened as he realized that both K-san and Fujisaki had been right. How could they have placed all of the blame squarely on Shu's shoulders? And now because of it, he was gone to who knew where. Picking up his phone, he dialed K-san's number. "K-san, it's Hiro. I just got an email from Shu. You and Fujisaki were right – he did overhear something last night that made him bolt. He said not to worry, that he'd be back. Right now he just wants some time to himself – hell, after what happened last night I'd say he damn well deserves it!"

Hanging up the phone once again, Hiro was assured that K-san would let everyone know about Shu's message. He clicked the reply button and began typing his own email to Shu, hoping that he'd see it and reply back. Right now, everything was up to Shu, and Hiro hoped that he would be okay.

* * *

Well, minna, here's the long-awaited Chapter 5! Hopefully, everyone's still enjoying my little 'fic. Again, reviews and critique's are always welcome.

Chapter 6 preview: We now go see what Shu-chan's been up to since he left Yuki at the hospital.

The song used in this chapter was: At Your Side - The Corrs


	6. Starts with Goodbye

_This has to be the longest chapter I've written so far. I just got into a nice groove and couldn't stop writing. That hasn't happened in a long while. Arigato to everyone who's reviewed so far! Your support means a lot! Again, all reviews are welcome! Beta readers are always appreciated!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Again, I don't own Gravitation, no matter how much I wish. Gravitation is the property of Maki Murakami._

* * *

_**"The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn."  
– David Russell**_

Shuichi walked through the terminal towards the ticket counter. With his destination now in mind, he had only one thing left to do. He didn't notice the woman in his path until it was too late. Rebounding back, he found himself sprawled on the floor with his suitcases spilled around him. "Ouch. What the hell just happened?" That's when he noticed the young woman across from him. "I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you? Are you alright?!"

Alison Connor sat on the floor of Narita International Airport, her butt hurting from its sudden impact on the tiled floor. She looked up to see who she'd run into. The guy appeared to be in his late teens, wearing a black hat and shades so she couldn't see what color his eyes were. He wore a black hooded sweatshirt, jeans and black running shoes. If she didn't know better, she would have sworn it was like he was trying to remain incognito. "I'm fine, thank you. It's my fault…I should have watched where I was going."

Shuichi sighed in relief when he saw that she wasn't hurt. Now that he had gotten a good look at her, she did seem familiar to him. Wearing a neat, tailored red business suit, she appeared to be in her late twenties. Red high-heeled shoes completed the look along with a minimal amount of jewelry and makeup. Dark brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail that reached to her shoulders. Intelligent brown eyes peered back at him over gold wire-rimmed glasses. She reminded him of Sakano-san. That's when he saw the name tag on her business suit: _Alison Connor Flying Star Records_. Now he remembered where he had seen her. K-san had introduced her to them briefly, saying she was here to have a meeting with Seguchi-san. "I'm sorry, Connor-san for running into you like that. My name is Shindou Shuichi."

Alison's eyes lit up at the mention of his name. Here was the man she wanted to speak with! But why was he leaving? Seguchi hadn't mentioned anything about his star singer leaving on a vacation or some other trip. "Shindou-san, you're just the person I wanted to talk with! But, I see that you're leaving Japan. Forgive my asking, but is this trip for personal or business reasons?"

Shuichi seemed confused as to why she wanted to speak with him. "It's alright, Connor-san. I'm leaving on personal business. Florida seemed to be a good place to visit while I spent some time getting things straightened out."

Alison couldn't believe her luck. "You say you're going to Florida? Then why not fly back with me? The corporate jet is waiting for me on the runway. Our company is based in Orlando, Florida and I have some business that I need to discuss with you."

Shuichi didn't know what to say at first. Here was a golden opportunity to get out of Japan without anyone knowing where he had gone to. If he bought a ticket, he ran the risk of someone recognizing him, which would lead K-san and the others onto his trail. But by going with Connor-san, no one would recognize him. And since she was with a record company, the chance was good that the business she needed to discuss involved his music in some way. Smiling he said, "I think that would be a great idea, Connor-san. Lead the way."

After picking up their scattered luggage, Shuichi followed Alison as she walked to the tarmac where the sleek Gulfstream V sat, its white metal skin glowing silver under the multitude of lights that lit up the runway. Their luggage was taken from them to be stored in the baggage compartment. The only thing that Shuichi kept with him was his backpack and his laptop case. Reluctant as he was to do so, he knew he had to explain things to everyone…and tell them he just needed some time alone. His eyes widened as he stepped into the plane, looking around at the opulent luxury of the private jet. He'd been on planes before, just never a private jet that was this fancy! He had to hand it to Connor-san's company – they knew how to travel in style!

Taking a seat on one of the sleek leather seats, he placed his bags beside him. Now that she knew who he was, he didn't feel the need for his disguise anymore. Off came his shades and hat, letting his violet eyes and pink hair show once more. Once buckled in, he turned to face Alison who sat directly across from him. "Okay, Connor-san, what was it that you wanted to talk about? I assume it has something to do with either myself or Bad Luck."

"Yes, Shindou-san, you are correct. And, please call me Alison, there's no need to be formal."

"Alright, Alison. Please call me Shuichi then."

"Shuichi, I had approached Seguchi-san about Bad Luck performing a song with one of our top female artists. He was in agreement with it, but wanted to run it by both your band and manger first to see what they thought of it. I was to fly back this morning and await his decision. And then I ran into you at the airport. That was a lucky coincidence, although Seguchi-san hadn't mentioned that you'd be taking time off."

He said nothing for a few minutes, seeming to be enthralled by the scenery passing below his window. When he did speak again, it was in a quiet voice. "That's because Seguchi-san knows nothing about it. I left without saying a word as to where I was going. I've had some things happen recently…and I just need some time by myself to straighten everything out. If I can't get myself focused, then no one can." He hadn't meant to say more after that, since he didn't know Alison that well, but soon it just erupted out of him like a bottle shaken just right. "And so I just left him lying there – he doesn't even know I'm gone. Right now I'm not sure that I'm even thinking straight. The only thing I could think of at the time was to just leave…I can't describe the feeling, but it felt as though I was in a room with both the ceiling and walls caving in on me and I couldn't breathe."

Alison had sat through Shuichi's recitation of everything that had happened, silently watching the young man sitting across from her. Even though he tried not to show it, she could see that he was hurting on the inside. To go from a euphoric career high to a spirit-shattering low in such a short span of time would make anyone feel nerve-wracked. "I'm honestly sorry that you had to endure that, Shuichi. I stand in agreement with you about needing some time alone. You need to rediscover yourself before you can move forward. About what I discussed with you, what would your choice be, Shuichi?"

"I know that my band mates would agree with my decision. The answer is yes, Alison, we'd be honored to do this song."

"That's wonderful, Shuichi! You won't regret your decision, I promise!" Keen brown eyes noted the pallor to Shuichi's skin and the tiredness around his eyes. Her heart ached for him; though there wasn't much she could do but play a supportive role to him. "I'm going to go contact my boss and let him know of your decision. While I'm doing that, why don't you try and get some sleep in one of the sleeping quarters? We have a long trip ahead of us, so getting enough rest is important. Oh, before I forget, let me give you this!" She reached over and began to rummage in her bag. "Now, where'd I put that darn thing…ah, here it is!" Pulling a CD case out of the bag, she handed it to Shuichi. "This is the artist you'll be performing with; I've compiled some of her work for you to listen to, so you'll get an idea of how she sounds."

"Thanks, Alison. I'll give it a listen while I'm writing my emails. Once that's done I'll take you up on your suggestion of catching some sleep." Reaching down, he gathered up his things, walking the short distance to one of the sleeping areas. He sat down on the queen-sized bed, sitting his laptop case near him, his shades and hat flung onto the nearby nightstand. He dug into his backpack, rummaging around until he found his headphones. When he had his laptop set up, he cracked open the CD case as he waited for his laptop to boot up. The name Christie Martin was written across the top in scrolling kanji. Below it was a photo of a young girl who appeared to be in her late teens to early twenties. Chin-length black hair framed a heart-shaped face. Green eyes stared straight at him, so serious yet he could see the mischief that lurked in their depths. It was as if she was trying to act serious about the photo shoot, but couldn't help but find humor in it. He instantly knew from just looking at her that they'd get along fine. The only problem was his limited ability to speak English. Sighing heavily, he knew that he should've paid more attention when he was in English class in high school. He'd just have to discuss that with Alison.

Popping the CD into the CD-ROM drive, he adjusted his headphones and the volume to his liking and sat back to wait for the disc to load. The slow melody started pouring out of his speakers and it wasn't long until he heard the smooth voice start to sing. Her accent clearly stated that she was American, but to his relief he heard the familiar sound of the Japanese language. Vowing to thank Alison again, he made up his mind to learn the English language once he was settled in Florida – then he'd be able to hear the song in its original language.

_I was sitting on my doorstep.  
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand.  
But I knew I had to do it,  
and he wouldn't understand.  
So hard to see myself without him,  
I felt a piece of my heart break.  
But when you're standing at a crossroad,  
there's a choice you gotta make._

His eyes widened as he listened to the lyrics. It all felt as though she was singing about his relationship with Yuki and his leaving Japan.

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt.  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry.  
And let go of some things I've loved,  
to get to the other side.  
I guess it's gonna break me down,  
like falling when you're trying to fly._

_It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
starts with goodbye._

Feeling wetness on his face, he quickly wiped at the tears that were falling down his face. _Okay, I've got to start writing these emails before I chicken out. Maybe listening to these songs wasn't the best of ideas while trying to think about what I want to say. _Opening up the Internet browser, he quickly logged into his email account. No new emails so far…good. That meant that he was still safe. His first one would be to Hiro. Knowing him as he did, he knew that Hiro would be hurt that he didn't come to him as he'd always done in the past. Explaining things to him might be difficult, but he wanted to assure him that he wasn't at fault for his decision to leave.

_I know there's a blue horizon,  
somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me.  
But getting there means leaving things behind,  
sometimes life's so bitter sweet._

_Damn this song's making me more emotional than I already was! Listening to this, I wonder if she's had the same experiences I've had in a relationship? Sure sounds as though she has._ Taking a deep breath, he started composing what he wanted to say. Once Hiro knew everything, he'd let K-san and the others know. He probably wouldn't like what Shuichi had chosen to do, but he'd understand.

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt.  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved,  
to get to the other side.  
I guess it's gonna break me down, like falling when you're tryin' to fly.  
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
starts with goodbye.  
Time, time heals,  
the wounds that you feel,  
somehow, right now._

_I wonder if the next song will make me want to start crying again. I have to hand it to her – she sure knows how to compose a damn good tearjerker! _The next song that came on started in a similar beat to the last one. Shuichi concentrated as he typed, listening to the song that soon filled his headphones.

_Time, sometimes the time just slips away,  
and you're left with yesterday.  
Left with the memories  
I, I'll always think of you and smile.  
And be happy for the time  
I had you with me.  
Though we go our separate ways,  
I won't forget so don't forget…  
the memories we made.  
_

His hands froze on the keys, as the lyrics evoked memories that he didn't want to remember just then. Finishing up his email to Hiro, he knew that he had only one more to write. Until he heard that song, he'd been uncertain as to whether he should write Yuki or not. But that song…it reminded him of all his moments with Yuki, the good and the bad. Hitting the compose email button again, he didn't know what to write at first. This email would be different than the one that he'd written to Hiro; there was a lot more that he had to say here, to explain why he had left when he had always told Yuki that he wouldn't leave him.

_Please remember, please remember…  
I was there for you,  
and you were there for me.  
Please remember, our time together…  
The time was yours and mine  
while we were wild and free.  
Please remember, please remember me…_

Memories flitted by in his mind, his eyes tearing up once again. The moment he met Yuki, of seeing him at his concert for the first time, their first time together after said concert…he remembered everything in startling clarity. Then there were the bad times…why did they seem to outnumber all of the good? Wasn't that what he was trying to sort out, why he wanted to leave? Typing and wiping away tears, he tried to convey all of this in his email to Yuki.

_Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say.  
And it's sad to walk away,  
with just the memories.  
Who's to know what might have been.  
We'll leave behind a life and time,  
we'll never know again._

That song soon ended and Shuichi seriously debated just turning the CD off. It felt as though each song was rubbing his emotions raw, leaving behind wounds that he didn't think would ever heal. He closed the web browser and lay back on the soft pillows, waiting for the third song to load. This one had a different beat, less melancholy sounding than the other two.

_Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one.  
Seven days a week but my life has just begun.  
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome,  
as I'm falling down I come undone._

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone.  
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong.  
Sometimes I feel so frail so small.  
Sometimes I feel vulnerable.  
Sometimes I feel a little fragile…  
a little fragile._

That was exactly how he had felt when he'd been told Yuki was in the hospital. When he had heard those words…the words that had destroyed his very world, he'd felt devastated. At that thought, he knew that he wasn't the only one who needed time to think about their relationship. Part of him hoped that Yuki hadn't meant those words. Shuichi wanted to believe that it had just been the stress of the situation speaking, but what if Yuki really had meant them? Could he really go on without Yuki in his life? Everything in the past year had been divided between his two great loves in life: Yuki and his music; they were intertwined, inseparable. One depended on the other to exist.

_In six thousand years what will this mean?  
Words from the heart or a melody…  
so caught in emotion and I'm overcome.  
As I'm falling down I come undone._

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone.  
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong.  
Sometimes I feel nothing at all.  
Sometimes I feel vulnerable.  
Sometimes I feel a little fragile…  
a little fragile._

He had to find out the answer on his own. Before he met Yuki, he'd been fine on his own, albeit lonely. Remembering his conversation with Hiro, he had to wonder if that's what Hiro had been implying when he said he needed someone in his life. Snorting softly, he doubted that even Hiro could have had the foresight to see the circus his life would become.

_If people can see right through my eyes,  
like an open door that I can't disguise,  
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry.  
I'll not run, I'll not hide, this is how I feel inside.  
A little fragile…  
a little fragile._

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone.  
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong.  
Sometimes I feel so frail so small.  
Sometimes I feel vulnerable.  
Sometimes I feel a little fragile._

He let the song finish before he popped the CD-ROM drive open. Once everything was back in his case, he set it on the floor beside his backpack. Reclining once more on the pillows, he closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to sleep right then. As he drifted off, he hoped that his nightmares wouldn't follow him this time. All he wanted right now was a peaceful mind for once.

* * *

Well, minna, here's Chapter 6 in the bag! This tearjerker moment was sponsored by Kleenex brand tissues! Hopefully, everyone liked this chapter. Again, reviews and critique's are always welcome.

Chapter 7 preview: We've seen Hiro's reaction to his email from Shu-chan, now it's Yuki's turn next to read his. More sap and angst will come your way in Chapter 7!

Songs used in this chapter are in order: Starts with Goodbye - Carrie Underwood; Please Remember - LeAnn Rimes and Fragile - Delta Goodrem.


	7. Blank Sheet of Paper

_Thanks again to all of my reviewers! You're the best! We've now come to Chapter 7. This chapter kept giving me fits as I tried to write it. I knew how I wanted it to go, but it didn't seem to want to. sigh I can tell you right now that I have at least 12 chapters of this story planned, so we're halfway there. I intend to try and have more than that. We'll see what happens as I write this, ne? Just to clear things up if anyone's wondering, Alison __**isn't**__ the OC that Shu-chan will find an interest in. They'll be coming along later in the next chapters. _

_**Disclaimer:**__ Under heavy protest, I will admit that I don't own Gravitation. I do own the OC's that I make up, however. Gravitation is the property of Maki Murakami._

* * *

"_**Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for." – Erica Jong**_

He kept hearing a continuous ringing that wouldn't go away, no matter how much he tried to block it out. Finally, frustrated, he sat up on the bed and reached for the bedside telephone. "Hello?" he asked crossly, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Eiri-san. I just wanted to let you know that I have some news about Shindou-san. It's not much, but it's all that I have."

"Tell me what you know, Tohma." His fingers tightened around the receiver, half-afraid of what Tohma had to tell him.

"Nakano-san contacted K-san about an hour ago. It seems that he received an email from Shindou-san. Apparently, the gist of his email stated that he wouldn't be gone for good; he just wants some time to think things out. And, Eiri-san, you might not take this well, but one of the things he said that he needs to think over is his relationship with you."

Yuki had at first felt relief flow through him when Tohma said that Shuichi would be coming back. But his next words rocked him to his core. This had to be a joke, right? Shuichi couldn't possibly be thinking of calling their relationship quits! This decision made no sense coming from the boy who had relentlessly pursued him, no matter where he went or what he did.

Tohma continued by saying, "If Shindou-san has sent Nakano-san an email, then it's probable that he sent you one as well. I am still trying to locate Shindou-san. I have my suspicions as to where he might have gone, as well as whom with." He knew that Connor-san had mentioned that she would leave Japan this morning to go back to Florida, as she awaited his decision. If the timing of her departure coincided when Shindou-san was known to have withdrawn his account, then he would have a place to start looking.

"Thanks for letting me know, Tohma. Keep me updated if you find anything else out about Shuichi." Once he hung up, he got up, intent on going to his office. If he was lucky, then maybe Shuichi _had_ written him. Hopefully the email would explain why he had left. As he waited for his computer to load up, he lit a cigarette, hoping the nicotine would help to calm his suddenly jangled nerves. As he inhaled the acrid smoke, his mind kept wandering back to when he was in the hospital. If only he hadn't said those things then maybe Shuichi would still be here. But as he thought over it, he knew that eventually Shuichi would have reached his breaking point. Maybe not today, but somewhere further on down the line it would have happened.

As he logged into his email account, he felt a sense of dread, not knowing if he was going to like what he was about to see. And there it was, as Tohma had said it probably would be. Swallowing nervously, he clicked on the message, the hand holding his burning cigarette trembling slightly.

_Dear Yuki,_

_Where do I begin to even start? I guess by now that you've discovered that I'm gone. Are you happy now, Yuki? Your annoying nuisance is finally out of both your life and apartment. Yes, I overheard everything, Yuki. Do I have to tell you how much each of those words spoken hurt me or can you hazard a guess? I'm tired, so fucking tired, of being the only one who's trying to make this relationship work. The hints that you could care less were supplied when you kept trying to leave me, but I guess that I was too much of a baka to see it, ne?_

_I guess what I'm trying to say, Yuki, is that I'm not sure if I even want to continue this charade of a relationship or not. When I saw you in the hospital, I wanted nothing more than to stay, but I knew that I couldn't. It's not fair to either of us to stay in a relationship where we don't know what the other wants. Right now I just want some time for myself, to get my thoughts in order. When I return, then we can discuss things, but right now I'm not sure if I can even bring myself to talk to you. Relationships are a two-way street, Yuki, and I'm tired of taking the flak for ours. _

_Sayonara, Yuki._

_Shuichi_

Yuki didn't even notice that his cigarette had fallen from his suddenly numb fingers. It smoldered on the wooden floor, as it burned itself out. Was this how Shuichi really felt? God, why hadn't he seen it coming?! Putting his head in his hands, he leaned on the desk, feeling more tired than when he'd gone to sleep earlier in the morning. How was he going to get Shuichi back now, when he wouldn't even talk to him? The sudden buzzing of the door bell interrupted his thoughts. Getting up out of his chair, he walked from his office to the front door. The door swung open to reveal his sister standing there. Saying nothing, he turned and walked into the living room, hearing the door close softly behind him.

Mika watched as her brother sat down on the couch. Her heart ached as she saw his haggard appearance. When Tohma called and told her that Shuichi had left, she couldn't believe it. Guilt had flooded through her as she realized that he had indeed been outside of Eiri's hospital door, meaning that he had heard everything. Her intention hadn't been to hurt the boy; at the time she had truly thought that she was doing what was best for Eiri's welfare. But looking at her brother now, she knew that he needed Shuichi in his life. The lost expression on his face spoke volumes to her. Taking a deep breath, she walked over and sat down next to her brother. "Eiri, I'm sorry. Tohma told me that Shuichi left. I didn't mean for things to go this way." Her voice faltered off as Yuki's face turned towards her. The look on his face said that he blamed himself more than her.

"If you think you're to blame then go read the email that he sent. You'll see who's really to blame in all of this."

Curious at his words, she got up and walked into his office. Sure enough, his computer sat there on the desk, an email program up and running. Scanning over the quick message, her breathing hitched as she read the bitterness in its words. None of them had really known that this was how he felt. Wiping at the tears that suddenly dampened her face, she turned and walked back to the living room.

Yuki said nothing as she sat back down. After a few minutes he said, "You see what I'm talking about, now? I'm to blame for Shuichi leaving. I've managed to get him so fucked up that he doesn't even want to talk to me!" He raked a hand through his hair, agitation coming off him in waves.

Before Mika could react, he suddenly shot up off of the couch. "Eiri, where are you going?!" she cried out.

Yuki didn't bother to reply as he grabbed his keys and coat, the door slamming shut behind him. Mika felt the knot of worry in her throat grow as she worried about what her brother might do. Reaching into her purse, she pulled her cell phone out. "Tohma, it's me. I'm at Eiri's apartment now. He's worrying me, Tohma. Shuichi did send him an email…even I could read the pain in it! They both need each other right now, but I'm worried that Shuichi doesn't even want to speak with him." After listening to what Tohma was doing to locate Shuichi, she felt calmer. If anyone could find him, it was Tohma. "I hope that you can find Shuichi. Eiri stormed out of here a few minutes ago; he's taken this to heart, blaming himself for Shuichi leaving like he did." She hung up a few minutes later, feeling better after having called her husband. Gathering her things, she let herself out of the apartment. Eiri just needed some time to himself so he could calm down. She had to believe that he would be all right.

* * *

He had no idea as to where he wanted to go. Cursing inwardly, he winced as he saw that he was at the entrance to the park. The place he and Shuichi had first met. Walking to one of the park benches, he sat down, just content to sit there and think. Shuichi's email had him worried, but he intended to reply to it, to let Shuichi know how he felt. That was if he didn't delete it before he even read it. Rubbing a hand wearily across his eyes, Yuki wished he'd had the foresight to bring his cigarettes with him. He could definitely use one now to calm down. Knowing that was one thing that Shuichi wished he would do – quit smoking. Maybe it was time to prove to Shuichi that he could do it, for him. That would only leave one of his vices left, his drinking beer, but he would give both up if it would bring him back. He snorted softly. God, he was beginning to turn into a sap. What would his family think if they saw him like this? Of course after the initial shock wore off, they'd be astounded to discover that he actually _did_ have emotions.

Having calmed down somewhat, he got up off of the bench. If what Shuichi wanted was time, then he'd give him that. But he swore that as soon as Tohma found him, he'd be on the first plane to wherever he was. Opening the door to his apartment, he threw his coat across a chair, walking back towards his office. Noticing Mika's absence, he was glad that she for once didn't bother him about his problems. She was probably still feeling guilt about what happened at the hospital. Moving the mouse absently, he watched as the screen saver vanished only to be replaced by Shuichi's email. It still sat there taunting him, and he felt a bit of annoyance at that thought. Sitting down in the chair, he began to think over what he wanted to write. This was more important than a book he was publishing. The words he needed to type now would help to bring his lover back home.

_I'm just a blank sheet of paper.  
This fool's about to write you a letter,  
to tell you that he's sorry  
for the way he did you wrong.  
To ask for your forgiveness  
for leavin' you alone._

He sat there, fingers poised to type, but nothing was coming to mind. How could words flow so easily from him when he was typing his books, but one email to his lover had him completely stumped? Snarling, he pushed away from the desk. Trying to calm down once again, he longingly looked at his pack of cigarettes that lay on his desk. Remembering his thoughts from the park, he left them laying there.

_He's been lookin' down at me  
it seems like forever.  
He takes the top on and off his pen.  
It's like he can't decide  
what he wants to say.  
If he'd just tell the truth  
I'd be on my way._

_But he just stares at me  
and I just stare at him.  
He don't know where to start  
to say he doesn't want it to end.  
Now it's one hour later  
and I'm still a blank sheet of paper._

Coming back to the desk he sat down, inspiration suddenly hitting him. The sounds of keys clicking could be heard in the silent apartment, as its owner typed out words he thought he would never say.

* * *

We've now come to the end of Chapter 7! This has to be the longest story that I've written so far. Reviews are welcome, so please be generous!

Chapter 8 preview: Shu-chan finally makes his appearance in Florida…and Florida will never be the same! We'll also get to see his reactions to the two emails he has received.

The song used in this chapter is "Blank Sheet of Paper" by Tim McGraw.


	8. Far Away

_A long belated welcome to chapter 8! throws confetti I think my muse left on vacation regarding this story…and without me! Again, a heartfelt thanks to all of my readers – you're the best! I can't guarantee exactly in what chapter that Yuki will be going to Florida, but rest assured, he'll get there eventually!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I still don't own Gravitation or its characters, so please don't ask. All characters belong to Maki Murakami._

_**

* * *

**_

The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. – Mignon McLaughlin

The feel of someone shaking his shoulder woke Shuichi. Blinking blearily, he tried to focus his eyes. Glancing up, he saw Alison standing beside him. "What is it, Alison?"

"Sorry to wake you like that, Shuichi, but I just wanted to let you know that we're about to land at Orlando International Airport. Go get freshened up; it'll make you feel better."

Shuichi yawned as he stretched, feeling stiff joints popping into place. He couldn't believe that he'd slept the entire trip from Japan to Florida. He guessed that he'd been more tired than he had thought. Walking into the bathroom, he wet a wash cloth and rubbed it over his face, shivering as the cold water worked to awaken him. Feeling somewhat better, he walked back into the room and began gathering his stuff. Glancing out the window, he could see that it was dark outside. Rain was pouring in sheets outside of the window. How fitting that the weather matched his mood.

Placing his hat back on his head, he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over it. Grabbing his bags, he walked to the front of the plane where Alison was waiting. As he exited the plane he could see their luggage being loaded into a waiting limo. He breathed a sigh of relief once he was in the limo. Those close to him had no idea where he was, and he intended to keep it that way – for now anyway. In a sense he was free now. There was no pressure on him…no having to pretend everything was alright.

Alison glanced over at her companion. He seemed to be more carefree now than when she had met him in the airport. "You know, Shuichi, you're welcome to stay at my place until you feel ready to go back to Japan. I wouldn't mind the company."

"I'd appreciate that. Thanks, Alison. There is one thing I would like to do once I get settled and that is to take English lessons. I never really paid attention in English class during high school, so I didn't really learn the language like I should have."

Alison agreed with him. If he was bilingual, he'd be able to reach a broader market. "I'd be happy to help you, Shuichi. Maybe the best way to teach you would be a hands-on method. Once you've gotten the language down, I'll take you to one of the local clubs to celebrate."

Shuichi smiled at her and thanked her for the offer. Maybe his leaving and meeting Alison had been a good thing. Now if only sorting through his relationship with Yuki would be as easy.

* * *

The limo had pulled up into a community called Warwick at Vista Lakes. The vicious storm had eased up during their drive, so it was only slightly sprinkling. The surrounding homes had that air of tropical splendor and of being expensive. Shuichi couldn't believe how spacious Alison's one-story house looked. It was definitely a lot warmer here than when he'd left Tokyo. His hooded sweatshirt soon found itself being ripped off and bundled underneath his arm. He was grateful that he'd worn a short-sleeved shirt under the sweatshirt. "Wow, Alison…your place is huge! The style of homes here is _so_ different than back in Japan." He followed her into the house, trying to keep his mouth closed so it wouldn't look as though he were gaping. The chauffeur followed behind as he carried their luggage into the house. Alison thanked him when he was finished. He nodded to both her and Shuichi and then left.

"Here's your room, Shuichi. I hope you find it to be comfortable." Alison led him into one of the guest bedrooms.

Shuichi had to gain control of his eyes before they popped out again. This room was bigger than anything he'd ever been in, including his room back at his parents' house. A full-sized bed sat in the center of the room with a nightstand to its left. A chest of drawers with a vanity mirror sat directly opposite the bed. The carpeting felt plush to his feet and he almost wiggled his toes at the sensation. "You know, I'm beginning to think this is all a dream. A good dream with some bits of nightmare included…but all-in-all not too bad I think."

Alison smiled. "That's good to hear. I have to return to the office for a bit. I'll bring home take-out tonight if that's alright with you."

"That's fine. I'm used to eating take-out for dinner, so I have no problem with it. I might check to see if Hiro wrote me back. Right now I don't feel like sleeping anymore so I might start immersing myself in the English language to get a good grasp of it."

"Sounds like a plan, Shuichi. See you at 6:00 then."

Shuichi walked back to his room, listening as he heard the car's engine being started. First things first, he wanted to get unpacked. That would help to make it feel more like home. It didn't take long until he had everything where he wanted it. How ironic that Alison, who was a total stranger to him, was willing to open her home and her life to allow him to be in it. _When I first moved in with Yuki I had to fight for whatever scraps of his life that I did receive. Is this something that's supposed to help me in my decision?_ Plopping down onto the bed, he retrieved his laptop from its case and waited for it to come on. He was fidgety and nervous as he waited, wondering who had written him. If it was Hiro then he'd be okay…but what if it was Yuki? Finally the screen loaded up and Shuichi saw that he had two messages waiting for him: one from Hiro and one from Yuki. _Whoo boy…here we go. This should be interesting._ Shuichi clicked on Hiro's email first.

_Shu,_

_First off, let me say that you were __**never**__ a burden to either me or anyone else! I will admit that I was a little hurt when I discovered that you'd just up and left and hadn't come to me. But I can see why you did what you did, Shu. I won't ask about what you overheard that night that made you leave…that's your own personal business and it's not my place to question about it. We were told by Sakano-san that Bad Luck would be on a temporary hiatus until you came back, so feel free to take all the time that you need. _

_I don't know what to say about what's happening with you and Yuki-san. All I can say is just take your time with this, Shu. Make sure you know how __**you**__ really feel about all of this before you make a decision._

_On a side note, I'm finally going on my date with Ayaka. I'll make sure to tell you all about it when I get back. I have to admit that I feel kinda guilty about it, seeing as you never got your date with Yuki-san._

_Anyway, write me when you can. Hopefully I'll be seeing you soon._

_Hiro_

Shuichi smiled after reading Hiro's email. At least he now knew that he wasn't angry with him. That news made his heart feel lighter than it had since he'd left Japan. Smirking at the sudden realization that Hiro would finally have his date, he tried to picture how the usually calm Hiro would act. This was a man in love we were talking about! Although truthfully, Shuichi did feel let down that he'd never get the date he'd worked so hard for. But who was to say that he'd have gotten the promised date if he had decided to stay. Realizing that he had no choice, he clicked on Yuki's email.

_Shuichi,_

_It's taken me awhile to get down what I wanted to write to you. Even now as I'm typing this it seems hard to say. Right now I'm just hoping that you don't delete my email once you see it in your inbox. In answer to your question, Shuichi, no I'm not happy. I truly didn't mean to hurt you by what I said. At that moment I don't even think that I was rationalizing things clearly._

_Although I never said it or showed it, I do care for you, Shuichi. You were right in the fact that I didn't try hard enough in our relationship. Even though I can say that I'm sorry, it's probably too late for you to ever forgive me._

_I know, Shuichi, that I want you in my life. From what I read in your email, I'm not sure if you feel the same way towards me. If time is what you need, then I'll give you however long that you need. I know this isn't what I'd normally do, but I've enclosed some lyrics that I wrote for you. I'm serious in my intent to show you how I truly feel and these lyrics will express that._

_I hope to hear from you soon. After all, we never did go on the date that I promised you. Wherever you want to go or whatever you want to do, it will be your call, Shuichi._

_Yuki_

_P.S. – I just wanted to let you know that I'm finally going to stop smoking. Not only am I doing this for myself, but as a way to prove to you that I do care for you._

Shuichi didn't know what to say as he read Yuki's email. This…this wasn't _his_ Yuki! Sure, he'd seen some moments when the novelist could be kind towards him, but nothing to this extent. Deep down inside he knew that he should be excited – after all, wasn't this what he'd always dreamed of? He had even promised to quit smoking for him! It didn't feel right to him for some reason, maybe due to the fact that he was still confused about everything. Clicking on the attachment he waited for it to open up.

_Far Away – Yuki Eiri_

_This time, this place  
Misused, mistakes  
Too long too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know, you know, you know_

_I love you  
I've loved you all along  
I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
And you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore_

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of Hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything, but I won't give up  
'Cause you know, you know, you know_

_That I love you  
I loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
And you'd never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore_

So far away  
So far away  
Far away for far too long  
So far away  
So far away  
Far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know  
I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
I love you

_I loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me, and never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me never let me go_

Keep breathing  
Hold on to me, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me, never let me go

The screen started to blur before he realized that he was crying. Wiping away tears, he saved both the lyrics and Yuki's email to his laptop's hard drive. Shutting down his laptop, he put it to the side and walked back down the hallway to the living room. A distraction sounded just like what the doctor ordered. Flipping on the television, he clicked various channels, trying to find something that would put his restless mind at ease. He finally stopped on the Nickelodeon channel and settled in to watch something called "Spongebob Squarepants". Even though he was seriously bummed, he found himself laughing at the idiocy of the show and Spongebob's antics. Time passed as he sat there on the couch, not really paying attention anymore to the television. Hearing a key turn in the door, he tensed before remembering that it was Alison.

Alison squinted as she walked into the darkened house. "Shuichi, are you in there?" Flipping the light on in the living room, she nearly had a heart attack when she spotted Shuichi sitting on the couch. "You scared me to death, Shuichi! What are you doing sitting here in the dark?"

"Thinking."

Alison could tell from his tone that whatever had him in this mood couldn't be good. "I take it you had some bad news."

"Nah…it was good news in fact. Hiro's not mad at me and understands why I left. He also told me that Bad Luck is on temporary hiatus, so I could take all the time that I needed. He's finally getting his date with Ayaka-chan. Then I read my email from Yuki. It…it didn't sound like him. He said things in there that he's never spoken to me. I should feel happy, but I don't. I'm not sure how I _should_ feel."

Alison had been confused at first before she heard that Yuki had also written him. "This is all up to you, Shuichi. I can give you pretty sounding advice, but in the end you're the one who has to make the decision. I've got dinner right here. Let's go eat…maybe you'll feel better once you've eaten something."

Shuichi lay on the bed, his mind still full of random thoughts. He wouldn't respond to their emails tonight – that could wait for tomorrow. The musician in him wanted nothing more than to start composing music to the lyrics that Yuki had sent. Maybe he would eventually do that when the words didn't feel so raw. Turning over onto his side, he silently stared at the window seeing the black sky dotted with shining stars. He couldn't help but wonder what Yuki was doing right now. He wished he could get rid of the feeling that there was something more to Yuki's words than what had been said. Closing his eyes, he tried to clear his mind so he could sleep. Everything could wait one more day until he was ready to face it head-on.

* * *

Sorry for the wait for this chapter! I couldn't get exactly what I wanted to say written and I didn't want to post something half-baked. I hope you're enjoying the story so far and as always, reviews are welcome.

Chapter 9 Review: Life continues without Shu in Japan. Hiro finally gets his date with Ayaka as Yuki continues to try and find Shu. Meanwhile back in Orlando, Shuichi goes sightseeing with Alison.

Song used in this chapter: _Far Away_ - Nickelback


	9. AN2

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Well, where to begin? My week has been horrendous so far. First, on Monday, my hard drive totally crashed. Meaning all of my story chapters and notes are gone. Fortunately, I had most of it backed up, but none of the newer stuff.

Then, on Tuesday, to add insult to injury, I was involved in a car wreck. We were totally sideswiped on the way into work. The car is totaled and I've got contusions and burns from where the seatbelt caught me. My mom, who was driving, totally shattered her right knee. They're still not sure when she'll be released from the hospital and she won't be able to drive for a year at least.

Needless to say, I'm not sure when I'll be able to work on my stories again. My education is going to be put on hold as well. I'll take this last class that I had already signed up for in the summer, but after that…well, it's a question mark.

Just wanted everyone to know!


End file.
